Recap: Gossip Girl 2x15

Please try to keep your pecker in your pants for more than 24 hours, okay?

Another juicy episode for Gossip Girl with quite some twists - predictable twists, but twists nevertheless.

First of, what was up with that utterly misleading promo and ending from last episode? The heavy emphasis on OFMG, WHAT THE EFF HAPPENED NYE???, and then nothing? Some subtle references to "something" but absolutely no revelation of WTF it was? That was all I could think of throughout the episode, well until Chuck screwed up majorly! Then I was just pissed off at his sorry ass! Thank God, Blair rejected him after that lame ass excuse. Plus. The flowers were pathetic!

Lets start at the beginning and with the boring stuff first...

Rufus and Lily spent the episode with chasing after their lovechild... Bored yet? Still no qualms from either about leaving their other kids behind without even explaning why. I didn't think R/L could get any worse as people, as parents and as a couple but I was definitely mistaken. When they can't pin down the fruits of their labours, they hook up... again. Poor Bart's who's probably rolling in his grave for a) marrying the skank and b) leaving her 20% of his company! Both people are so insanely selfish, even when searching for their kid, it's really all about them! Rufus want to find the kid because he has a need and want to know. Lily doesn't want to find the kid because she's afraid of how Rufus will feel about her after they do. She says, don't you think I have been thinking about him (the child) my whole life? Please woman, you don't even think about the kids, you do have. They honestly, truly deserve each other if they weren't such a ridiculous, pathetic couple. They only enhance each other worst qualities! I thought Rufus getting all hot and bothered over Lily's passionate declaration of love and leading to Lil humping the Humphrey was gross, gross and more gross! Ugh. And then they reminisced to their stupid past two decades ago. For God's sake, will you let it go already!!! Lily had to go with Rufus, even though she isn't even interested in looking for the kid? She couldn't even have stayed in NYC in time for the reading of the will? She had to fuck Rufus barely a month after Bart died? She continues to prove how much she didn't give a flying tart about Bart. Poor, poor Bart. You truly did die for absolutely NOTHING!

R/L got it on and later the adoptive father calls them to arrange a meeting. He reveals that their son died last year in an accident, R&L go home. At the doors, Lily says maybe they weren't meant to be a family... Only to enter the loft with their kids sitting nicely like a quaint family. R/L holds hands upon this "sign", maybe they are meant to be after all? Yeah, no. I still think they suck. And I think it's gross. It wasn't so gross in season 1 when RL almost happened together with DS. It wasn't so bad when RL almost happened again instead of DS in S2 (if R/L haven't developed into these two pathetic people). But it is icky with RL dating, DS dating, Erik/Jenny acting like siblings, and a half-sibling lurking in the shadows, okay? It's just way too much. And what if RL adds more half-siblings to the clan? Will they be judgemental like Dan, stupid like Serena, selfish like Jenny, Rufus and Lily are, or worst case scenerio: all of above? It's just bad, bad and more hidious. I don't care for any of it.

Erik and Jenny spent the episode bickering like siblings, they unknowingly, almost are. Not particularly interesting, but not completely annoying either. Jenny isn't so horrible when she has sub-plots. It's when she's leading in her "I'm really a selfish brat but I'm gonna take over the world"-plots, that she grates on my nerves.

I'm glad that the Mean Girls are still in the show. They are mean, lean and a killer machine. Heh, okay, they are at least lean and mean then. Their presence give much needed breaks to all the "heavy" moments. And I rather liked that they still asked Blair for permission before blasting to GG. "Sigh. Mom's away girls". Maybe it isn't that hard to find obedient minions after all? Though, what is up with the scheming Nelly Yuki, who proclaimed in 1x15, she wanted nothing to do with the MGs? Another welcome relief was the Mini-Mean-Girls. Thank you for popping in once in a while, to cause absolute hilarity!

"Brooklyn pig!"
"Please. Dating Nate Archibald after striking out with Dan Humphrey? Talk about failing upwards!"
"Who are you cheating with?!!"

And of course, Vanessa, also known as Brooklyn Trash (BT) is practically giddy with joy over the fact that someone, outside of Brooklyn knows her. Speaking of BT. Apparently, her relationship with Nate have lasted two months now. Riiight. As if it's been that long. As much as I'm etenally grateful to the writers for not forcing the "glorious" NV dating upon us, I have a hard time believing this "great and long-lasting" relationship that has taken place in offscreenville. If they want us to believe how great NV is, they'll need to do more than tell it to us. Though, I've rather they wouldn't as I loathe V. V don't even have any texting tact. How stupid are you to be so effing explicit in a phone text, when it's supposed to be hush-hush? I feel sorry for any NV kids, what's with the whole sharing two brain cells in total. Nate is stupid and BT even more so.

Nate. I mean, okay, he was gone last week, so when he appeared in the beginning of the ep, I was like, good for you Nate. Perhaps, you aren't all bad and perhaps I have been a little too harsh on you lately. Then he skips Chuck's brunch altogether where even Jenny, the girl Chuck pseudo-tried to rape shows up to, for his two months anniversary, months! not years! with BT. Not only that, then he gives an "epic speech" about how he found out who his real friends are, to... Dan. O.M.G! Maybe he could give a heartfelt, encouraging speech to Chuck as well? The guy who just lost his dad and family? The guy who was near suicidal which you would have known, if you were smart which you aren't, if you had been around, which you weren't. Nevermind. I'm so sick of Nate. I wish he would marry BT and whisk her off to New Zealand or something. Not Australia, cuz I like it there and Jack lives there. I could never hate him so much that I would inflict NV on him! Actually, I don't even hate Jack a bit, so maybe New Zealand is too close?

Dan and Serena spent the episode going around in circles (as in their relationship). Serena chased Dan around trying to find out what was wrong (still trust issues), Dan tries to avoid her so he doesn't have to lie to her. Interesting how the tables have turned: Last season, Serena avoided Dan, so she didn't had to either lie or come true and this season Dan does the same to her. How they have progressed. I'm actually really annoyed by Dan spilling it to BT. I mean, it didn't occur to him that Serena should know first? Obviously, he couldn't tell S as Lily needed to, but then to spill it to BT? Real smart move there, Lonelyboy. Especially since that led to the MGs finding out and blasting it for all to know, including Serena, Erik and Jenny. The most interesting DS moment? When they were standing in the school court yard, for a second I thought Dan had grown taller. He was for once actually looking down when they were speaking. I was like huh? So strange. Then Serena took the step up and went past him, and it got boring again. I don't particular care for DS, but I don't mind it. I would however prefer if they could focus on some friendship instead of couples, couples, couples all the time. I want SB to be close and great friends again. I want CN to be besties again. I want Nate to stop hanging around in Brooklyn and be there for his friends. You know, I'm much into "the Fab Four", the "Non-judging Breakfast Club" but others don't feel it. I don't blame them. There hasn't really been that much evidence on how great friends they are as a group since S1. NS don't care about Chuck. It has all been left to Blair. I wonder if CB never hooked up, would Chuck be dead now? Since he would have no one who cared to drag him off the edge?

Jack Bass might be one hell of a skeevy bastard, but hey, he's still a sexy bastard. Him hitting on his nephew on/off girl is totally nasty. I love it! Heh, okay, I don't actually take him particular serious. I view it as something akin to the way Chuck kept hitting on Blair pre-Vic/Vic even though she was Nate's girl. Though the NYE thing is still unclear, it seems like something sexual did happen. But I still don't believe, they actually slept together. Maybe some heavy petting? Can't say I blame Blair. He's gorgeous!

It's a shame, that Jack will be the "bad guy". He had some pretty hilarious interactions with both Chuck and Blair, and I would actually have liked him in a fatherly/brotherly/mentor role to Chuck. I don't believe he could lead Chuck astray unless Chuck wanted to - as he did, and there wouldn't be such a huge pressure on Chuck for trying to live up to something.

Jack: "The only thing he's going to need support for, is the mass of influx in those bank account(s)."
Blair: "Charming."

Chuck: "Curfew?"
Jack: "No."
Chuck: "Girls sleeping over?"
Jack: "Yes please." Smirk.

There were some pretty funny one-liners all around too.
Chuck on what Bart's could have written to Chuck: "You are a disappointment of a son. I'll die of embarrassment, if I weren't already. Why do you always were so much purple?"
Jack upon learning that Bart left the company to Chuck: Looking upwards "That S.O.B!"
Iz says to Penelope, his dad (Bart) just died to Blair spending most of her time with Chuck: "Yeah, like a month ago." Oh Penelope, you and your insensitive tactlessness. Can I adopt you?
Jack suggesting to Blair, they throw a party for Chuck getting the company: "Why not celebrate Bart dying? That would be just as tasteless."
Blair to Serena, almost apologetically when they discover it was the MGs who put out a hit on Dan: "It's so hard finding obedient minions."
Erik to Jenny: "You are annoying!" Thank you Erik, for saying what everyone has been thinking!

Okay, and what was up with Jack's wink to Nate? He does boys too? The show really makes it difficult for the guys on the show with all those gay-vibes. S1 CN bromance. S2 DN bromance. S2 CE bromance. Erik's gayness. Harold/Roman gayness. Nate's declaration of love friendship for Dan.

Okay, lets talk about the set up. First of, how in the world did the master of manipulations, not smell the set up from miles away? It was amateur work. It was like stealing candy from Nate. I guess, the only available excuse is that Chuck was so griefsticken by Bart's death that he wasn't his usual self and therefore didn't anticipate the trap around him. I don't blame Jack though. It was cruel the way, he set up Chuck, regardless of his motivations, but in the end though, had Chuck not followed through, Jack would have had nothing on him. Chuck can only blame himself for this. Not knowing the complete story behind Bart/Jack, I feel sorry for Jack. He's been ruining Bass Inc. AU smoothlessly and even if Bart didn't want to entrust Jack with the company, it's an insult and completely ridiculous that Bart in his right mind would EVER leave the company in Chuck's hands! Chuck, a 17 year old boy with absolutely no work experience could take over the CEO position? Stocks would plummet. The Board would protest. Chuck would run it into the ground. In the words of NYmag:

"Oh, and also, WHAT? Chuck would never be given control of his father's company at the age of 17. It's not even ridiculous — it's verging on criminal. Bart Bass may have secretly had the soul of a father, but he didn't secretly have the brain of a pigeon. Minus 20."

It really was a stretch of credulity, beyond usual, and GG is hardly a show that sticks to reality - much (Jenny, the 15 year old fashion designer, anyone?) Is it really a wonder that Jack set Chuck up? I would not have left the company in Chuck's hands either. It doesn't matter that Jack's motives were 100% self-serving. Regardless, I'm sure the company would have a greater chance at survival in Jack's hands than Chuck's.

I was saddened to see how Chuck reverted back to his old self, pretty much pre-Blair. I thought he had grown up more. But in light of how Chuck has always treated Blair. How he's still very much a selfish bastard who rarely thinks of anyone else, not even Blair before he does whatever shitty thing, he wants to do. I guess, it was very much in character after all. In fact, it took the blindfolds off. For a while, we've been deluded into thinking that Chuck could change, had changed for Blair, but now we finally realise that he really hasn't changed that much. And most importantly, Blair now knows. I also didn't care for how Chuck couldn't take responsibility for his own actions. First, he blamed Blair then afterward when he was apologizing to her, he blamed Jack. Both Blair and Jack, told him that he did it to himself. I agree.

The elevator scene was incredible sad. Even though, I didn't feel sorry for Chuck, I did feel sad at CB ending. There no doubt that they needed to end. Chuck is in no position for a relationship with Blair. It's starkly clear now. And Blair would have no self-respect if she kept forgiving him when he treated her like crap again and again. And truthfully, I actually think it would be healthy for them both to take a break from each other. Their relationship, boy/girlfriend labels or not was self-destructive, completely unhealthy, especially for Blair. But my fan heart did die a bit at thought that CB will be off - for now (who knows how long that is in GG-time).

Grade: B+

Thanks: Nymag.com